I'll make a wish and send it on a prayer..

penangggg.

2012-01-12T21:46:00.001+08:00

the best music is the voices of people you love. hearing my grandma's voice while making my way to school in the afternoon made me happy.
everyday, I'll think of my loved ones. every single one of them. never a day passed without them in my heart. :)

sometimes I do wonder how it would be like if my grandfather is still here. I always miss him. and I know.. I love him eventhough I've never got the chance to feel his warm embrace or lay my eyes on him.

now I know the true meaning of "loving someone you've never met". :))

I pray that he's safe and happy there. :)

anyway.. tomorrow's the day. can't wait to be "anak mami". >.<

2012-01-12T03:41:00.001+08:00

walked somewhere I've been before. down that same old lane. still the same face.. but different person.

then I said to myself,

"what is this? never again."

one day, one fine day.
I will..

feelingsorry.

2012-01-10T17:44:00.001+08:00

"we still live in the same town
well, don't we?
but I don't see you around anymore
I go to all the same places
not even a trace of you
your days are numbered at twenty-two

we're not getting any younger
and I won't look back, 'cause there's no use
It's time to move forward

I feel no sympathy
you live inside a cave..

there's no need to apologize
I've got no time for feeling sorry.

but I try not to think of what might happen
when your reality, it finally cuts through.

and you know it, too
you can't run from your shame
you're not getting any younger
time keeps passing by
but you wave it away
it's time to roll over.

and all the best lies
they are told with fingers tight
so cross them tight
won't you promise me
if it's the last thing you do, you'll get out?

2012-01-08T03:47:00.001+08:00

why is it that I don't really like the idea of people fetching me or sending me home? well unless it's my family. even so, there's a lotta times when I turned down my mom's offer simply because I feel that it would trouble her.
yes. I still think it's a trouble even when others already offered to fetch.

I feel odd at times. normally girls would complain if their boyfriends don't send them home. but when I had a boyfriend, I complained whenever he does.
why?
because I feel I'll be such a trouble when he sends me home or fetch.

the guilt of having someone sending you home especially if one stays so far..

whoever says that girls always want guys to send them home? -_-

lovely

2011-12-29T02:10:00.001+08:00

missing my chicas extra much tonight. pray nothing unpleasant would ever happen to our friendship. they've been my pillar of strength besides my own blood throughout these years.
sister loves them both and find them really adorable. :)) reason why she never question much when I was out with them during secondary school.
more than thankful to have these girls with me. I love them both so so sooo much!
can't wait fer New Year's Eve! been celebrating new year together fer years. hope it stays this way fer as long as we can. :))

2011-12-14T12:18:00.001+08:00

must stop this love-hate feel.

there are times when I don't feel a thing when I reminisce. when my heart didn't fail me and it didn't ache. I love that feeling. it's neutral, cultivating a sort of detachment. to hate would only make one bitter. I don't need that. to be free, one must let go. when that happens, it produces a wonderful experience of mental joy.

but there are times when something just trigger all those feelings. the good and the bad. the good times that made me cry. the bad times which made me question my worth.

then again, I know myself best and that question shouldn't even exist.

I know.. but I just can't help it.

after awhile, I'm back to my normal self, taking it in, letting it out, one step at a time.

I've detached myself from people from my past but what I didn't do, is to
relinquish the memories. it took me
this long to realise that I haven't let go of it all, reason why there were days when I feel as tho' I've failed myself.

people around me keep reminding to make new beautiful memories and discard the old times. but who can ever discard it all? nobody can unless you have brain damage.

what I can do is to leave it as it is,
right where it fits..

in the past. :)

2011-12-14T02:19:00.001+08:00

my stats jumped so high till 45views in Singapore when I barely have 10 who knows my blog address.

that.
is.
odd.

don'ttellmeit'sduetomytwitpic? dammmn. should have thought about Google.

been unproductive these days. snuggled up in bed under the comforter fer hours. Econs and me just can't go well together. I love how I can relate to the things around me with Econs but.. studying is a whole different thing. plus.. my mind is all over the place. all I wanna do is sleep.
I can really sleep fer hours. I'm a perfect Gemini who can sleep the whole day and also the one who can stay up the whole day without sleep.
I amaze myself most of the time. my girls asked how I can stay up all night with just less than 4hours of sleep and I'll say, "mind over matter".

but now I can't even use "mind over matter" when it comes to my Econs. -_- how did I ace it years back?!
ohh.. yes.. keyword: years.

now, I feel like sleeping, again.
--------------------------

sometimes, when people say that they'll always be there if you need a
listening ear, they really aren't there to listen.
their replies will be brief.

but there are those who didn't say anything yet would still listen and take time to give you their advice eventhough you've probably repeated them like 100times.

I really appreciate it all. :)

2011-12-13T16:35:00.001+08:00

"It hurts a lot to find out everything was a lie. The friendship, the friendship that made you change and be happier. I honestly thought we were “best friends” but best friends don’t back-stab, be two-faced or disloyal. You were the person that made me happier and got me through all the little things. The person I would turn to and the person that could always make me smile. The person I was proud to broadcast to the world that you were MY best friend. The thing that hurts is that I wasn’t your best friend as much as you say I was - best friends do not do that to each other? I mean..would you do that to someone who you truly cared about?"

2011-12-13T15:35:00.001+08:00

one week has officially passed since the demise of a friendship with a childhood bestfriend.

I still couldn't fathom how someone who calls me her bestfriend could utter such stuff. it's hurtful enough if I were to find out second hand but to read it all, first hand, is simply heartbreaking.

"you treat her so nicely yet she say such nasty stuff about you?"

I know they say, you can't expect a bull to not charge at you when it's in rage eventhough you treat it nicely.

but.. a bull is a bull. animals, unlike humans, don't think. they have no conscience.

how could you even face me when you've bitched about me with your friends? how could you take my weakness and make a joke out of it?
friends don't do that. what more, bestfriends. never have I thought it's fine to badmouth you, let alone bitch.

there's a vast difference between complaining and bitching.

friends won't even bear to say anything close to that. and you typed it out like I meant nothing to you. I can't say it didn't hurt. it hurts.. a lot.

you had my back..
only to paste the nasty post-it notes.

of chocolatey loves.

2011-12-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

Leia: "I need to talk to you in person".
and so I thought it was something urgent. was anticipating it and wondered what could have been so important that it can't be said over the phone?

stoned throughout the train journey to City Hall.
greeted by the smiles of my two lovely ladies. was still.. zoning out.
"are you still asleep?"
"huhh? hmm.. sorry. still zoned out".

then.. surpriseeeee!

touched. but I felt a tad numb to cry tears of joy.
said a silent prayer and thanked God fer having them with me to cheer me up. such beautiful souls. wished I didn't have to work. -_-

how thoughtful! I love youuuuu. :')

2011-12-02T03:06:00.001+08:00

have always believed in this:

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy.
If she's easy, she won't be amazing.
If she's worth it, you won't give up.
If you give up, you're not worthy."

2011-12-01T16:23:00.001+08:00

so excited fer Ezzie's sister's wedding this Sunday! last wedding I went was last year!
I can wear my baju kurung. :)) I love wearing baju kurung. I can meet my dearest people! :))

speaking of wedding, I cannot imagine myself getting married anytime soon. i wonder how people of my age handle that. *salute.

I have no issues with commitment but sometimes I think I do. maybe because I have yet to find the right one.

yes. that is prolly why.. :)

it's nice to know that someone feels a tad guilty fer not contacting you eventhough it wasnt a long absence. it shows that you mean something to them. and these people have special places in my heart.

there are people who come and go although from the start they try to "prove their worth". but honey.. friendship is not a few months thing. you want to be a friend, learn to be true to yourself first. :)

I am blessed to have really good friends who always have my back. those who always made me feel that I'm not forgotten. :)

remember those who remember you.
don't forget those who had forgotten you either. ;)

i-smile.

2011-11-30T10:28:00.001+08:00

...
"I'm sorry I haven't been contacting you last week."
"huhh? hahaa. it's oklaaa."
"are you working this Friday?"
"yaa.. I'll be working.. till night."
"I'll meet you after work on Friday?"
"ohh.. okayy! anything just text me."

and I smiled radiantly.

it's nice to know that I'm not forgotten. :)

2011-11-25T00:38:00.005+08:00

all too familiar..

2011-11-25T00:01:00.001+08:00

I am not the kind who will text first normally.

sometimes.. when conversation stops at my last text, I'll feel as though I'm a boring texter. -_-
but I know.. people are busy with their stuff and I shouldn't take it personally.

but most of the time, I wouldn't mind. :) just that.. hmm.. okayy nevermind. :)

am I such a boring person?

first.

2011-11-22T13:52:00.001+08:00

"it's time to face the music.
I'm no longer your muse.."
-the one that got away; Katy Perry. <33

turn the page.

2011-11-17T18:56:00.001+08:00

have always wanted the feeling of not having you as a distraction. the time when it didn't stop me in my tracks just because I got carried away by my train of thoughts of you.

I feel it now.

too occupied with assignments, assessments, family, research, reading, journals, friends, work.

ohh yes, now I'm thinking of you. but that's that. nothing more. :)

some say I'm in denial. some say that I'm so good at making it all sound convincing.

I say.. I'm in such a wonderful place. :)

pretty things.

2011-11-17T12:20:00.001+08:00

sensed the anger the moment I re-read my previous post. that shouldn't be the way.
but I can't deny it any longer. it's a love-hate feeling. I feel more carefree but I can't forget how I've felt. it's a reminder.. on why I shouldn't be back to where I was. it keeps me on track. :)

:)

smile.. it doesnt hurt anymore.

2011-11-16T21:29:00.001+08:00

I was fazed when you walked out of my life without saying a word. twice.
but I can breathe and see better now.
thankful. knowing there's so much more to life. taking a step forward. Alhamdulillah. :)

doing both of us a huge favour by not missing you or feel fer you ever again when I happen to look back.

I'm sure you're so happy. :)
cos' I'm so much happier now.

I've always hoped that you would have the guts to tell me straight to my face that I've been erased from your mind and your heart after all these years.

why didn't you?
why couldn't you?

where's your balls, Officer?
you sure love to leave me on a cliffhanger.

thank you fer everything. I've always thought that we'd be cool with each other. that we'll be friends. but we can't be.
a friend wouldn't bear to hurt a friend.

I used to embrace you.
now I'm embracing detachment. :)

2011-11-16T20:59:00.001+08:00

"tracing patterns across a personal map
and making pictures where the lines overlap.

..tell me how you got so far
and never making a single sound.
there's nothing to it
I've never been happier."
:))

the best feeling.

no, I'm not romantically involved with anyone.

I'm certain now, more than ever, that I'm out of love with an old bitter past.
it's been years. way too long. no anchor. :)

blessed to have met all the wonderful people fer their input, time and everything. <3 those lovely souls I've sent super long messages to, talked fer hours, seen me cry and choke on tears, let me pour my heart out throughout these times.

I don't tell my problems to just anyone. count yourself lucky if I tell you mine. it only means I'm comfortable. :)
-----------------------
people often ask:
what do you look fer in your future partner?
a bestfriend. someone worthy.

"so how would you know if someone is worthy?"
he would treat me just like a friend. probably a little more but won't try to impress. will talk to me like how he normally would. bottomline is, I don't like someone who try to impress. it
doesn't work. you need to be a friend.

a friend don't try so hard to impress a friend. :)

don't talk to me only to get me. if one can't even be a friend, don't even think about trying to be my boyfriend.

why as a friend?

a friend sees everything in you.
the good, the bad. :)
if things are meant to happen, it will. otherwise, we'll still remain good friends. :)

I treasure friendships. I love each and every one of my friends.
I appreciate those who are still in contact with me even when they know that I don't feel the same or that I'm simply not ready to be in a relationship. I still have their back no matter what. if one is sincere in becoming friends, he won't come and go at all. :) he'll still be there and even if you guys are apart fer awhile, both of you will pick up from where you left.

the base of a relationship is friendship.
if someone proves his worth in being a friend, I'm sure he's more than worthy to be my significant other. :)

if we've never argued, it shows that we were never close. (well unless you're such an irritant and I can't help but to argue with you). you only see the good side. until you've seen that side of me, don't ever tell me that you wanna be with me or that you have feelings fer me. :)

at your best, you are loved. what if you're at your worst? :)

closure. :)

2011-11-09T01:50:00.001+08:00

now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
to build me up and tear me down,
like an old abandoned house.
what you said when you left
just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
guess I let you get the best of me.

well, I never saw it coming,
I should've started running
a long, long time ago.
and I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
more than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure,
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
and now I'm picking up the pieces,
I'm spending all of these years
putting my heart back together.
cos' the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

you took a hammer to these walls,
dragged the memories down the hall,
packed your bags and walked away.
there was nothing I could say.
and when you slammed the front door shut,
a lot of others opened up,
so did my eyes so I could see
that you never were the best for me.

2011-11-07T23:09:00.001+08:00
a great day spent with my blood yesterday. today too. would love to see my little sweetheart everytime. :))

my grandma keep saying this today,
"kalau daa rezeki, takkan ke maner. kalau hilang, tetap akan jumper balik. ader hikmah disebalik semuer yang terjadi."

2011-11-06T16:29:00.002+08:00
"The hardest people to reach with the love of God are not the bad people. They know they are bad. They have no defense. The hardest ones to win for God are the self-righteous people."

Charles L. Allen.

I don't understand why some people always preach like they are such Saints. have it all balanced. don't try to sound so holy and being up there and looking down on others.
that's not cool. remember, humility.

such self righteous bastards. -_-

2011-11-05T05:44:00.001+08:00
been neglecting my 5times-per-day these days due to my hectic schedule. even so, I know it's of no excuse. -_-
first day at Fullerton in a few hours! there's a mosque nearby. so can't wait! :))

I know I should sleep but I just can't. -.-

chinese guys who speak well are effing adorable. especially preppy & badboy-ish. heh. ;)
bottomline is, why do I still find chinese guys more attractive compared to my own race?

weird.

2011-10-29T16:19:00.003+08:00
someone like you by Adele never fail to move me to tears eversince I first heard it around February. introduced by Aida. :')

decided to press play after quite some time.
and yes.. I teared. not uncommon, I know.

then, I recalled.. the dream I had in the morning and it made me tear even further.

slept at 0600hrs cos I just couldn't sleep. -_-
checked my assignment which I'm rather pleased with despite doing it super last minute due to work. only 4minor errors. :) good enuff'. alrightt no
more procrastinating.
-----------

it's funny when you find yourself comforting others when you are not feeling too good too.
but at the end of it, you'll feel good. :)

2011-10-22T01:02:00.002+08:00
19th of October.

a date I still remember.
"Happy 22nd Birthday. (:"
it was the simplest and most neutral birthday wish yet it meant so much. there is more to that one line.
wished with no hopes that you'd reply but you did. I wasn't being ignored. :')
there's a surge of calmness as I read it in the morning and I smiled as I looked through the photos of you and her. I was happy cos' you're filled with so much love and joy.

but I feel really sad now.. why?
happened to listen to Mungkin Nanti while on my way home.

saatnyaku berkata mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
sudahlah lepaskan semua, kuyakin inilah waktunya
mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

dan mungkin bila nanti kita akan bertemu lagi
satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
rasa yang ku tinggal mati
seperti hari kelmarin saat semua disini

dan bila hatimu termenung bangun dari mimpi-mimpimu
membuka hatimu yang dulu cerita saat bersamaku
mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

tak usah kau tanya kembali
simpan untukmu sendiri
semua sesal kau cari
semua rasa yang kau beri
---------—-—-—-
Asha is unwell. my lovely girls can't stay out. Surya stays so near but obviously not available at this hour. my darling boys aren't free to accompany and make me laugh when I really need it tonight. :'( Hafid is overseas, Ismail stays at the other end of Singapore, Affan is out.

thankfully, Faiz is texting me now and always there no matter how much I blabbered.
Arif made me realise something I have not.

ahhhhhh I love my friends.

alrightt, think of the good stuff, think of all the best people with me now. :)

I need a hug from all of my lovely people. :((

life.

2011-10-17T02:05:00.001+08:00
looking at my photos. old and new ones. I am really happy. I have such great company everywhere.

from Corporation Primary, JVCB, Pan Pacific and all the other cliques and friends.
family and friends are foreverlove.

people have been asking,
"how's life?"

here's my answer:
"life has been treating me real good. can't be any happier! everything is going great, so far. I really hope it stays this way! :))"

okayy. now's my time to finish up my essay, due noooon! :)

fixit.

2011-10-11T20:17:00.002+08:00

sometimes, even your close friends don't understand how much you value the friendship.

that you take friendships seriously and mean it when you say that you miss and love them.

feelings don't change overnight. it changes gradually.
when that happens, both need to be honest and not jeopardize the friendship when things can be fixed.

when things turn sour, I always blame it on myself.
that maybe, I am the one who changed.
maybe.. I am the one who didn't understand.
maybe.. I am not a good friend.

but Ezzie once said,
"babe.. you should stop thinking it is your fault."
:(
I guess I am kinda fated to experience such things over and over again.

had this conversation with Surya..

they'll apologise months after and tell you that they are filled with guilt.
what I still fail to fathom is..

why must they wait till the wound is healed/healing/almost healed?
where were they when the wound was still fresh?
why didn't they nurse it when it needed much care?
why came back only after there is a
scar?

I hope my friendship with the others will remain strong still..

I miss my girls. :( so much.

renegade.

2011-10-11T15:31:00.002+08:00
"the grass wasn’t green enough here
after watering it with my tears.
I’m not sure where you went.
now we are, just past tense

..your anger, your anchor.
but I’ll sail much further on.."

they never fail to make me love them all over again. :) and it's good to have a girlfriend who is in love with the same band. you'll be updated. ;)

attract.

2011-10-10T19:44:00.001+08:00
dancing and praying are of opposites.
but what's similar is how both of it make me feel soooo good.
I am myself. I can totally be myself.

eyes closed. feel it. ;)

inthemourning.

2011-10-09T00:35:00.004+08:00

you've escaped like a runaway train.
off the tracks and down, again.
my heart's beating like a steam boat tugging,
all your burdens,
on my shoulders.

and in the mourning, I'll rise.
in the mourning, I'll let you die.
in the mourning..
all my worries.

now there's nothing but time that's wasted,
and words that have no backbone.

can you hear these echoes fading?

in the mourning, I'll rise.
in the mourning, I'll let you die.
in the mourning..
all my sorries.

and it takes all my strength,
not to dig you up,
from the ground in which you lay,
the biggest part of me,
you were the greatest thing,
and now you're just a memory,
to let go of.

but time makes you bolder
children get older
and I’m getting older too.

so.. take this love and take it down
well, I climb a mountain and I turn around,
and I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
well, the landslide brought me down..
----------------
have always loved In the Mourning eversince I heard it the first time. :)
but this version sounds more complete. Thank You Ezzie! ;))

most of Paramore's songs depict my life. right from My Heart. :)

fix you.

2011-10-06T18:58:00.003+08:00

"when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse.

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste..
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try
to fix you.

high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try, you never know
just what you're worth."
••••••••••••••••••
it's as though this song is speaking to me..
it's sad yet the solo is uplifting. it gives me hope that things will be better.
it already is. :)

I promise. I will learn..

www.whaaat?

2011-10-03T23:58:00.002+08:00
when you thought nobody really reads your stuff but when you check the stats, people all over the world are reading when you've only told a few.

when you think number of visits per day would be nil or 2 the most but it turned out to be more than 10 from several countries.
this world wide web scares me. maybe it's time to make it private.

shall see.. :)

telepathy.

2011-10-02T14:44:00.001+08:00
"I let it fall,
my heart.
and as it fell,
you rose to claim it.
it was dark,
and I was over.
until you kissed my lips
and you saved me."
nice song. on repeat.
•••••••••••
a relatively good conversation last night with Arif and Syidah. except fer the last topic.

then it started to rain while I was in the cab.
how perfect.

it's kinda awkward but rather nice knowing that someone has been observing you and gives you the look telling you that they understand how you feel. and all you could manage was a smile as you seal your lips.
but most of the time I don't like people reading my mind.

it's inevitable, I understand that. well at least I should be thankful that there are people who cares.
:)

-________-

2011-10-01T14:33:00.001+08:00

finally! :D my dearest Mokkk. heh. that nick is stuck ever since I knew him the first few months. equally excited, with his constant reminder to meet and calls of "Firaaaa! kat maner skrg?!"

sayang this big boy a lotttttt. really a lot. :)) no idea how many times I've pinched his cheeks cos' he's irritaaayytingly adorable like that.
with his.. "Firaaaa aku cute kaaaaaan?"

"Firaaaa kau nie kecik giler. kau tau tak?"
before I could say anything, this giant already squeezed me alive!
I swear I'm of average size fer a lady. he's just a giant. -_-

and that hair. feels nice patting someone botak. especially someone you're close to. :))
"alalalaaa.. cute nyer kau. geram aku."
:D

havent been seeing each other fer 5 months plus, close to half a year but it feels the same. :))
good friends will never forget each other.

we can talk about anything. I can
say anything without thinking.

nice to have someone who can keep the conversation alive.
♥

:)

2011-09-29T14:32:00.008+08:00

just thought of the conversation I had with Mario last night. :)

funny guy. he sure knows what I'm feeling. despite being a year younger, I feel like I'm his younger sister instead.
he was, and is still with me when I was a mess and such a wreck. also one of those who were, and still there for me to share my happy stories. :))

how can I not love these wonderful souls, tell me? :))

starlight.

2011-09-28T21:47:00.002+08:00
Syafiq, my cousin is at Madinah. coverage for Hajj. how fortunate to be able to perform the pilgrimage as well at the age of 26 without paying a single cent. Alhamdulillah. :)

good people deserve the best.

Amni always cling on to him. she doesn't allow him to get married.
abeslaa Abg sedare aku tak kahwin kahwin.

beautiful.

didn't get to see him off tho'.
we are not close but his absence on gatherings is always felt. just like when he was at Al-Azhar University for a couple of years.

seeing my cousins and relatives so religious, makes me feel so thankful for having them as my blood. they have never preached about religion and tell me what to do and what not to.

this is how I've learned that actions speak volumes. they taught me so much even without telling me anything.

notice how most "preachers" don't even practice what they preached? :)

••••••••••••••••••••

I miss my grandmother. called her in the evening. hearing her voice made me tear. she was here, in Singapore. :'(

but she didn't tell me earlier cos'.. it was just fer awhile. I am so sad. really so sad. :'(

"nenek baru tadi cakap dengan Nana macam daa lamer tak dengar suare Fira. tadi nenek nak call tapi Nana cakap Fira kerjer. jadi nenek tak call, takut kacau. ahh ni Fira call pulak."

:') I could hear her voice crack a bit.

how could she think that way? I'll always answer her calls no matter what.
didn't know she was talking about me. it happens everytime.

like.. when I miss her so much, next thing I know, I'll get a call from her. it's telepathic.

October is going to be good, hopefully. she's gonna be at Verde Avenue, my Uncle's place! can meet my babyboys tooooooo! :D

when my hair was red and long.
when it was February 2010. :)

set.

2011-09-27T14:59:00.004+08:00
this blog of mine is not fully done yet but it's alrightt, I'll let you lovely people read it anyway.
why blog?

•more privacy.
•more things to type.
•I won't keep popping on anyone's timeline/newsfeed and appear as an attention seeker.
•seeing that my phone is blogger friendly, why not? :)

facebook's new interface is too.. public. this person commented on that person's status, etc. the newsfeed is enough.

please don't link me up.

I love you people.

*hugs&kisses*

stormy night.

2011-09-26T04:39:00.002+08:00
ever had those nights when you wish you could just sleep?
those nights when you are physically exhausted but your mind refuses to rest?

it's 4 in the morning. still can't sleep. feeling a tad off after work. what more with the fact that I couldn't take the bus home but the train instead. walked further, double trips.
back still aching. all I was thinking of is my bed which I am in now. how comfortable. :) but can't rest my eyes still. -_-

nevertheless, today was a good day at Pan Pac. students from different schools helped out due to some school hospitality programme.
adorable, lovely people. :)

but I didnt get to see Linkin Parkkkkk at F1. :( Chester Bennington and Mike Shinodaaaa. :((
===========
sidetrack..

now I'm stuck listening to Love the Way You Lie by Skylar Grey.
unlike Rihanna, she have a really good voice. :)
a friend of mine requested a cover of it. not eaaaaaaasy..
shall try, one day. :)

cottoncandy.

2011-09-25T14:44:00.004+08:00

woke up to something lovely.

it's always nice to know that someone thinks of you and make it known to you. :) such sweet gesture. :)

there's something abt people I know who just got enlisted. they never fail to give me a call even when in camp just to say, "takder, aku ader free time so call kau to ask how you're doing."

sweet or whaaat. or really really really nothing to do?
lo-friggin-l.
I have sweet boys laa. :)j

received a brief call from Khairul last Wednesday. that Army boy in camp remembers my number still.

Ismail the "Abg Police" keep reminding me to meet him when he book out this Friday. 2nd book out, fresh from oven, that boy.
good to know that I'm not forgotten.

it's been months since I met that guy. those late night conversations we used to have. the times when he called just the right time when I was wallowing in sentimentality. those times when he called and I knew in an instant that he was down. we'll talk fer hours till he's too sleepy to even end the conversation and just knock off!
guys. -_- hahaa.

but look where we are now. we'll talk about, "heyy I feel so much better now. things happen fer a reason. live life. be happy. you deserve to be. :)"
and anything along that line of positivity.

spread the love. too much love to even start on hating. :))

smile.

2011-09-25T14:37:00.002+08:00

"..don't know why I'm still surprised
even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes

..I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
till the walls are going up
in smoke with all our memories.."

I want to be able to listen to such slow sad songs without having my heartstrings pulled so badly.

I will..
slowly. :)

keep moving, honey.

2011-09-25T03:04:00.000+08:00
sinus. backache. toothache. headache.

whole body is aching. my sister is such an angel to help make some energy drink from I dont know where. she's also gonna help book an appointment to extract my wisdom teeth which.. isn't wise at all. :(

room light died on me. it's high ceiling. and I only have my study & side lamp now. -_-
nevermindddd.

there's something wonderful about having conversations with intellectual people whom you're comfortable opening up with.
the ones who won't judge you, never fail to give you their support and constant reminder to keep on going.
the ones who knows it was difficult fer you but still walk the journey with you.
the ones who give you the encouragement to strive harder and not to yield.
I have wonderful people with me. the ones who motivate me.

I never stopped learning. what put a halt to it was money.

talking to them makes me feel that there is way more to life than those silly heartbreaks.
tho of cos' I know.. I can't run away from feeling a tad too emotional on certain days.
I love talking to people who have a whole lot of positive vibes in them. those who got to where they are from their hardwork.
those struggles. the hardship.

if they can do it, so do I.

I am eternally grateful to the Almighty fer bestowing me such angels on earth.
all of them deserve the lovely things in life.

I love each and every one of you. :)

it's okay, I'm on my way..

2011-09-22T22:31:00.001+08:00

my post disappeared. maybe it's God's way of telling me to let it go. :)

dont want to speak too soon but I really feel so.. free. as though the anchor has been cut off from the ship that I'm in.
I am back sailing..

a burden lifted. in every meaning of it.

the sweetest. the best. ever. also the one who made it all too bitter fer me to swallow.
talk about.. bittersweet?

but it's alright. I wish you well despite all of the hurt you've caused, I would love to hate but it doesn't work that way.

most of the time.. I'll breathe it all in and take some time to think.

God wouldnt take away anything from me without giving me something better.
so many wonderful and beautiful souls around, I'm filled with gratitude.

it wasn't easy.. but you are forgiven.

I dont want to blame it solely on you. never did. cos' I know I've caused you so much pain too.
-
nine years of knowing you. two years plus since that incident. one year plus since you repeated that same old story. that, no excuse..

but whatever happened within these nine years, made an indelible impression on the memory.

in the future, I dont want someone like you. he will never be like you.
I don't want someone like you.

he'll be better, Insyallah. :)

so many intricate things to type.. but I won't.

you made it so difficult to love another.
because you remind me that even the sweetest thing can hurt.

who run the world?

2011-09-21T14:37:00.001+08:00

there's this hypnotic feel about Run the World's intro. took me awhile to love this version.
have always loved the other version.

"that's how I like it, that's the way I like it, yeaaa.
you know I want it to, keep on going all the wayyyy~"
;)

of it all.

2011-09-20T02:02:00.000+08:00

friends with benefit. in bed.. with a bad cramp and backache. -_- twodaystooearlyyy?

pretty good show with a cliche ending.
whatever it is.. Mila Kunis is haaaawt!
I love gorgeous women. rather look at them than the guys. ;)

back.

2011-09-20T00:04:00.002+08:00
revamped. all new. I feel.. new.

of all the things we (n)ever thought we could be..
are all of the things that I fail to see.

2011-09-17T21:08:00.003+08:00
only two can scold me and make me cry in an instant.
my mother and grandmother.
Im ultra sensitive with them both.

and they always have ways to make it up.
easy.

just by talking to me. :)

not about..

2011-08-18T18:15:00.000+08:00

it's not about not having enough time.
it's about making time works for those who have been through the rough and smoothen the edges for you.
for the distance does not necessarily makes the heart goes fonder.
It may just make the other more accustomed to your absence.. stone cold despite your attempt.
that's when finally you have the time or when trouble hits, you'll be scrambling for their aid.
by then.. they already have made time for someone else more worthy.
-Sister.

playing God?

2011-08-04T02:56:00.000+08:00
why do most people remember and think of God only when they are at rock bottom? or only when it's the holy month?
and when they do, they'll talk about religion and God like they're so holy.

it's between you.. and God.

dont talk about how sinful something is as though you've got none.
"to remind?"
sure, but you are no better.
just because you made it known that you think of Him, it doesnt mean I think or spend time with Him any lesser.

"if God's the game that you're playing,
well we must get more acquainted.
because it has to be so lonely.. to be the only one who's holy
it's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in.

next time you point a finger,
I'll point you to the mirror."

just a dream..

2010-12-26T18:31:00.000+08:00

"opened my eyes, it was only just a dream.."
my lullaby, every night, as of late.

I miss..

2010-11-20T02:11:00.001+08:00
I was feeling alright and happy a few hours ago. I was laughing and smiling like how I normally do.

but now tears are streaming down my cheeks.
I can't contain this feeling. don't ask what or how I'm feeling. I cant define it either. it's like Im in a wave of emotions. I don't even know where my ship is sailing. it's losing control. my cries.. they swallow up and got lost in the raging sea.
there's a void. a void I long to be filled. I miss missing someone who misses me. I miss calling that someone up and just tell him how I feel. I miss smiling and feel my heart skip a beat upon receiving calls or/and messages from a certain someone. I miss pampering someone knowing that it'll not go to waste. I miss meeting someone significant, run up to him, simply wrap my arms around him so tight and being greeted with a kiss. I miss giving surprises every now and then and make my love really happy. I miss having my head resting on his shoulder blade catching a whiff of his smell.

I miss loving someone who loves me. I know there are people who loves me. but.. it's different.

I know I may come off as desperate and insecure now. geez. I hate how I sound. :(

I am doing real fine on my own but.. I miss having someone too.

I don't intend to have someone. I'm just saying that I miss having someone. that's all. :)
no rush. I can't afford to have my heart broken.
definitely not now. :(

nevermind. this can wait. :))

not good enough fer truth or cliche.

2010-10-26T10:20:00.000+08:00

rewind to 2005. they look friggin emoshittt.

miss listening to this when I was using my E65 and have it as the ringtone.
that was prolly 3years or so.
the demo version. with Ronnie, not Craig. it sounds wayyyyy better with Ronnie, in my opinion.

so for now, take this down a notch. (:
Im in the mood fer oldschool songs. those when I was in upper secondary level.

it took me back to where I first heard them.

the irony.

2010-10-21T06:55:00.000+08:00
how are you going to be true to others when you are struggling to stay true to yourself?

why is it that we can give good advice but often than not, when we are faced with the same situation, we can't use our own?

liars lie about not lying and say that they reaaaally hate it when others lie.
where's the sense in that?
or are they lying about hating?

words often aren't fully understood even when you say it out loud.
but why is it that silence means so much more?

they say.. be strong, persevere.
don't relinquish your grip on the thin line of hope even when you feel like letting go.
truth be told, it can take so much more to do the latter.

how is it that we expect others to understand us knowing there are times we messed up, and fail to comprehend ourselves?

when you are close to death and your life flashes before your eyes, all you hope fer is to get out of it alive. even if it means the water is at eye level.
but there are others who have so much to live fer, a bright and wonderful day to look forward to, yet they live day by day hoping that they are better off dead.

like the words of Mahatma Gandhi,
"the weak can never forgive. forgiveness is the attribute of the strong".
but why many perceive the act of forgiving, as a sign of weakness?

ohhhh life is a funny, funny thing..

2010-10-20T06:09:00.000+08:00

rollercoaster ride from June till August.
Im such a boring person. my blog is so boring. I have a lotta things to type but as usual, have the time, no idea what to put here. my words decide to form sentences when I have no time to sit and type out an entry. life.. (: filled with such irony.

I feel better now compared to how I was months back. Im back on track. no more crying myself to sleep with my mp3 on. I dont succumb to negative thoughts as much. I dont dread going to work anymore. infact, I love going to work now. (: I feel so much better in a whole lot of ways. Syukur Alhamdulillah. :)

my sister, I can never lie to her. no idea how she knows so much about me. hmm.. its weird.
"he brought you so high up, and let you go without a parachute, right?"
ouch. that sure hurt. so much.

nobody has ever brought me so high up only to let me fall to the ground and not break the fall.
lesson learnt: know how to break the fall.

Im sure God have someone better fer me in the future.

I will never close my door on love. but Im more afraid than ever, thanks to you..
I cant say that the wound isnt there. it still is.. fresh. I want it to heal, even if it means I'll be having a scar.

I made a wish and sent it on a prayer.. I feel that God answered mine, in a different form. I cant thank Him enough. thank you fer the light and Im blessed to have such angels with me.

my glass is half full, not half empty. and my glass of hope, is still there and it will never topple over. (:
it's just how you choose to see it.

if.

2010-10-18T19:38:00.000+08:00

took this from Aida. not sure where the original source was from.

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
Don’t ever make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. All men are not dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships… there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to complete you, a relationship consists of two whole individuals, look for someone complimentary.. not supplementary.
Dating is fun… even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes, when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.”

2010-09-08T00:19:00.000+08:00

.."I never wanted to say this
you never wanted to stay..
I put my faith in you
so much faith
and then you,
just threw it away.

you were finished long before
we had even seen the start.
why dont you stand up,
be a man about it?

fight with your bare hands about it now."

anyway.. listening to the song, I miss how Paramore was years back. back to the days when not many know that the band existed. to the times when it's not being called the Twi-friggin-light band. it's absolutely annoying.
and all the songs that the "fans" know are.. Decode, Brick by Boring Brick, The Only Exception and those mainstream songs. whatever happened to My Heart, Brighter, Until Tomorrow and all others? :(
I love how it was back then.. (:

forgive. love. let go.

2010-08-21T19:19:00.001+08:00
|| note to self:

let it out. nibble and swallow some of it in.
with eyes closed, inhale deeply.
breathe it out, slowly.
take time to digest.

forgive.
even when my heart aches.

and dont forget, <3 love.. :)
because I wont know when will it be my last. or anyone else's.
remember.. I am not alone. I have feelings? others have feelings too.
revenge is sweet? no. taste it. it's bitter.
someone who is bitter will seek vengeance. it's not nice to feel the pain. so dont do unto others what I dont want others do unto me.
never curse anyone. instead, pray that nothing unpleasant or harmful should befall them. imagine.. if I am not able to see the person ever again, all the thoughts that will fill my mind are the pleasant and sweet ones. there will be no room fer hatred.
err.. maybe my hatred towards cockroaches and other creepyyy crawlieee insects. but that's that. ;)
okayy.. maybe a little bit more than thaaaat. heh. =p

so why curse? :) it dawned on me on how much sense the motto of my alma mater makes. but of cos'. it's all not as easy as it sounds. afterall, I am only human. I am nowhere near perfect. I made, make and still making mistakes. we all do. everything that happened, happens fer a reason. and whatever will be, will be.

alrightt. Im done talking to myself, fer the moment. :)